If you’ve ever watched “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” a movie from 1975, you’ve seen the worst-case scenario of what the wrong dosage and mix of psychiatric medication can do. This horror story has frightened more humans out of much-needed medication than any movie ever made.
It was my son Charles’s fear that antidepressants would rob him of his creativity and strip him of his personality
Decades ago, with the older medications and prescribing guidelines, it did make people catatonic. Today’s medication, however, is prescribed to help a person live as normal a life as possible. Except for the most severe cases of depression, this is the majority.
As most who live with mental illness tell you, managing it takes a lot more than pills. It takes a commitment to one’s health including mental health and managing it daily just like managing any other chronic illness such as diabetes. The self-care has to be baked into the daily routine.
We don’t know how a medication will affect us or how it will affect others around us. How will it change us? Will we be able to live with the side effects? How will others perceive us? (not that it’s any of their business) And so on. Let’s face it. The process of finding what works and enduring the titrating on and off is archaic, irritating, and frightening. It takes a lot of patience for the patient as well as the family.
As my son’s thoughts of suicide became more frequent and his depression worsened, his reasoning became more fractured
He thought the illegal substances he misused were the perfect solution to numb his thoughts of suicide, enhance his experiences, and fuel his creativity. Once they took his brain hostage, he thought stopping them would render him talentless. And he no longer looked for healthy coping strategies.
To us, his parents, it made no sense that he thought the legal and prescribed medication would ruin him but dangerous street drugs would improve his life. The antidepressants took patience and about 2 weeks to 30 days to work while the illegal ones or even some prescribed medications like opiates worked in twenty minutes or less and made him feel like a king.
Isn’t faster better? That’s what drugs whisper in the ears of our loved ones susceptible to a substance use disorder or who are lost in the grip of their own mental illness.
It’s easy for those of us who don’t have a mental health issue to dismiss our loved one’s concerns and their depression
It’s easy for those of us not gripped in episodes of depression that can last weeks or months to poo poo meds as a cop-out. We are sure if they just get a job, cut out sugar, do more exercise, everything will go right.
We can get tired of trying to coax our loved one out of bed and get them to take a shower. It exhausts us, too, and what’s more it’s hard to watch our loved one suffer.
If it’s that hard for you, imagine how hard it is for the one suffering. Most people want desperately to feel better. Most don’t want to be a burden or a downer. Which is why those with depression will isolate.
Maybe if I had started out by asking Charles to sit down and tell me all his fears of taking an antidepressant, things would have gone better initially. Or maybe things would have gone just as it did.
I do wish I had listened more because understanding how another feels can guide us on how to manage a situation better. I could’ve said. “Since you have those concerns, can we write those down and you ask the psychiatrist? I’d also like to know the answer.”
Some need an antidepressant (usually an SSRI) for a while and others need it for a lifetime
We should not “pill shame” someone out of medication they need. It’s not a fix-all. But consider that medication has saved lives and improved the quality of life for many who live with depression. So my message is to keep an open mind and don’t judge what you don’t know.
People who live with depression and take medication are around you all the time accomplishing amazing things, leading teams, getting promotions, and raising families. Most of the time, you have no idea who they are because they don’t advertise it. The majority of those who live with depression have had to pick themselves up during their lowest point and accept help, ask for help, or make calls to get help and then get themselves there. That alone shows incredible strength and fortitude. And that behavior doesn’t remind me of zombies, but it does remind me of superheroes.
See Mental Health Speaker Topics here.
How to Recognize Symptoms of Depression
- For those who are curious about their own symptoms
- For those who love someone they suspect may be living with depression
- Signs you’ve read about and signs that are less talked about w/ examples
- What loved ones can say/do to be supportive plus resources
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
I am actually one of the unlucky few that could never find a medication that suited me. Out of all the ones I tried, the tricyclic was the worse as it really amplified my suicidal feelings and I had to stop that immediately. Mirtazapine seemed to work well for a while but when it stopped working it was unbelievably hard to come off of and took me about 2 years for my body to eventually get back to normal. The problem with meds is that there are a lot of different types to work through until you finally find the one for you. It would be lovely if the scienstics could invent something like a single finger prick test and that would indicate the best med for you from day one.
I think the worst part is the process of trying them out. It’s easy for some but like you said a trail for others with treatment resistant depression. And sometimes it turns out to be bipolar depression which doesn’t often respond well to SSRIs.
Have you ever done ketamine nasal spray and if so how did it work for you?
Dear AnneMoss, I hope that by telling my story as truthfully as possible, that it may help with stopping people from harbouring such negative thoughts about medication. Too many people who need medication shy away from taking them, either out of fear, a lack of faith in their efficacy, or because of the stigma or maybe a combination of these. No doubt other reasons can be found.
It is commendable that you always tackle these types of issues as often they are just brushed over and no real in depth discussion is entertained.
Please keep up the good work as l certain you will.
I’m always so grateful for your thorough and honest contributions. They are always well-thought-out, well-written, and empathic. We need to hear more perspectives and stories to figure out what is right for us.
Medication can work as it takes the edge off things. My partner took medication for some 20-plus years and he always made it a point of taking them every day. But due to another issue developing. His then-current medication was affecting his dental health, and so his dentist suggested he find a new medication (which he feared to do). So just TWO MONTHS out of TWENTY-PLUS YEARS, he stopped his medication and HE DIED. His being informed by his dentist that he needed to change his medication was the catalyst. This goes to show that when dealing with a person with mental illness, We have to be very choice in our words, especially when it comes to medication. Contrary to what some of his friends believe, he ALWAYS TOOK HIS MEDICATION right up until that conversation with his dentist; he did not simply stop taking them out of some choice to get off them.
He suffered in those last couple of months when he needed to go on a new type of medication (for clinical depression) but could not get in to see a psychiatrist. Then as he started to feel better and in more “Control,” of his life, he began to research the possible side effects of any medications now suggested by his doctor. He spoke to many people (the negative consequences of social media) unbeknownst to myself, who gave their uneducated opinions which he sadly took on board. I found many such comments on Instagram. He started becoming physically ill (more likely due to the effects of coming off his antidepressants). I noticed that he was becoming a tad more anxious and a bit more aggressive in those last 3 weeks that he was alive (I feel hurt and guilt even writing these words; as if I am cheating his memory).
After he died by suicide, a psychiatrist recommended that I take an antidepressant. He told me that it COULD INCREASE my own suicidal ideation. He then encouraged me to write on a large piece of A4 paper that I was to phone LIFELINE (a 24 Hour support line), and if still agitated, to call an ambulance – and not a friend – as then I would be taken to hospital (apparently phoning a friend could have caused further issues what with their either propping up my negativity, albeit without realizing, or by making suggestions). And I was to put this piece of paper somewhere that I could see it (such as on my fridge). The point to all this – I DID NOT HAVE THE SIDE EFFECTS LEADING TO SUICIDAL IDEATION which goes to prove that not all the negatives that we read on a medication’s warnings NECESSARILY MANIFESTS in all people.
We urgently need to de-stigmatize the issues surrounding taking medication as I have known many people to go off their medication and spiral into a world of deep depression and disconnect. Alas, there are just too many so-called experts but without having the necessary qualifications for that alleged expertise.
These people often use cliché in a way that seems wise – one such being, “You don’t need medication, just be strong and talk with your friends.” But how can one be “Strong” when that strength is diminished as they spiral down a dark path – of which Medication would most likely have taken the edge off things.
And so I made up my own cliché just for such people – “The use of clichés is a lazy person’s way of pretending to have knowledge of an otherwise complex issue.”
Apologies for my long response to this article.
I am thrilled you posted the “long” comment because it is full of very useful and also very personal information. I am sure it was hard to write. The dentist! Some offhand remark unwittingly led to your partner’s death by suicide. And for over 20 it saved his life.
I love this “The use of clichés is a lazy person’s way of pretending to have knowledge of an otherwise complex issue.”
I’d put political soundbites into that category too. It’s an excuse not to think and investigate credible resources
I am going to bet this comment gets read more than the article. Thank you for taking the time to share this story. And I am so sorry you had to tell it.
Thank you for doing what you do. Your books, articles & video are relatable and comforting to others that have similar experiences. I lost my son, Kyron, four years ago. He struggled with depression & addiction. Your service to our community means more than you know- it gives me support and understanding from those who know.
You are one of many that offer many resources. I have a topic idea- for those who can to provide appropriate resources to individuals & families. This may be schools, social workers, emergency department, diversion/ probation offices, etc.
Our personal experience with Kyron was he arrived at the emergency room with an overdose, they gave him the universal suicide screener in which he responded no to the questions, he was completely out of it and unstable. After sharing his past mental health history and suicide attempt, and requesting multiple resources/ referrals to any facility to give him the support he needed, they discharged him with instructions to call the pediatrician or 811 (in the state he was in, both would’ve referred us to the emergency department where he already was and being discharged from). Kyron was in a compromised state and overdosed that evening. We began 5 years prior working closely with the pediatrician, then psychologist, psychiatrist, school, etc. If appropriate resources were referred specific to patient needs, families could prevent these situations.
Thank you for spreading love & awareness, and making a difference. ❤️
So you had a similar trajectory as mine. A lot needs to change. But hospital systems often use PHQ-9 instead of a screener and I am sorry they did not use the screener or do a suicide risk assessment after he was more stable. That transition of OD to home is such a risky time. These deaths are preventable with the right protocols in place. Unfortunately it sounds like they just did the check the check-the-box approach for your son. There is still so much stigma surrounding the addiction part. I am so sorry. It’s so frustrating to have a leak in the system and the result is we lose a child. That’s too big a price to pay.