Photo Credit: Photo by Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP

You have likely heard about the famous director, Rob Reiner, and his wife, Michele, who were allegedly stabbed to death by their son, Nick Reiner, who has openly admitted to struggling with substance use disorder for decades (since he was 15).

My son, Charles, became addicted and later died by suicide. I know the helplessness that comes from realizing you cannot fix this for someone you love. We want and try to hard to “fix” it. But it’s not up to us.

I know good families who’ve had children act out in violent ways, and there is very little support but a lot of pointing fingers and judgment. Many families will work hard to protect their privacy due to the sensitive nature of mental health issues and substance use disorder. I understand that.

Sources have reported that Nick was diagnosed with schizophrenia several years ago, and it appears his medication was very recently changed ¹

The medication change explains why his parents kept him close at that time.

We know that transitions—such as starting, stopping, increasing, or decreasing a medication—can trigger destabilizing reactions. Most often, those reactions increase risk for suicide; far less often, they are associated with violence toward others.

In rare cases, both homicide and suicide can occur. However, it could be that Nick’s drug use caused psychiatric symptoms such as psychosis. So nothing is concrete here because you can’t diagnose mental illness with a blood test or MRI.

When alcohol or other drugs are added to the mix—particularly during a psychotic episode tied to a mental health condition—the risk of impulsive and dangerous behavior can increase. ²

When these risks are present, families are often the first to notice that something isn’t right and the last to have support, especially since it’s frequently handled with secrecy. Supporting someone through medication changes, active substance use, or emerging psychosis can leave families feeling confused about what to do, hyper-vigilant, frightened, and exhausted.

For example, if the option was available and he was willing, they might not have taken Nick to a psych hospital because traditionally, he had not done well. There is also a higher risk of suicide, especially in the 30 days after discharge. So it makes sense they were keeping him close so they could be on watch.

And it’s hard to fathom that your kid would be so lost in his head that he would kill you.

There are no perfect answers here. No matter how wealthy a family is, there are few options in these circumstances, and state laws are confusing and vary widely. Resources are even slimmer.

Given the publicity, it’s likely people will equate mental illness with violence when, in fact, those with a mental health condition are more likely to be victims of a crime or die by suicide.

The other cases, the ones that are far more common, don’t get the attention, and that starts to skew opinions and bolster myths.

Addiction is a family disease

This is what people often miss: substance use disorder is a family disease. Not because it’s the family’s fault—but because it affects everyone who loves the person struggling. It’s awful seeing someone you love self-destruct.

It’s not just their recovery. It’s ours too. Families can go into recovery even if the person with a substance use disorder does not. And when families get education and support, it often increases the chances that their loved one will seek recovery someday and know better how to support their loved one. Because we can’t glue them into recovery and we can’t do it for them no matter how badly we want to.

Just as important when you seek help and support, you are modeling something powerful: that asking for help is not a weakness.

Addiction digs its talons in and convinces a person that they must have the drug to survive.

There is much we don’t know.

What I do know—both personally and professionally—is that today’s drugs are different. Street drugs are often mixed.

People can become dependent on multiple substances without even realizing it, making positive recovery and outcomes more difficult. I have seen how this can cause permanent brain damage and change people’s disposition, especially if the misuse began in the years the brain was developing.

Nick Reiner has been on suicide watch in jail

For those unfamiliar, suicide watch in jail is often a dehumanizing experience.

In many facilities, it can mean being stripped of clothing, bedding, and privacy, and placed under constant surveillance in a cold jail cell. Policies vary by state and facility, but the common thread is this: people are stripped of their dignity during what may already be the most vulnerable moment of their lives.

This entire situation is heartbreaking.

And it is a stark reminder that no amount of money, fame, or access can make addiction disappear.

If your child has psychotic episodes or is at risk

Reduce access to lethal means. So let me spell out what that means.

Lethal means are objects (e.g., medications, firearms, sharp instruments) that can be used to inflict self-directed violence. Lethal Means Safety (LMS) is an intentional, voluntary practice to reduce one’s suicide risk by limiting access to those lethal means. LMS focuses on ensuring time and space between a person in crisis and their access to lethal means, including firearms and medications.³

That means locking up firearms, all firearms, including the antique pistol grandpa handed down to you. Lock all of it away or have someone keep those for you until it’s a more stable time.

It can also mean locking up your knives, getting rid of or securing medication, including that which the person takes daily. It can mean putting away belts and scarves, over-the-counter medications like Tylenol, which is an overdose risk. Getting rid of anti-freeze and getting counsel on how to go about this for the safety of the person struggling as well as other family members. (See CALM training.)

Is it inconvenient? Yes, it is.

But it can be lifesaving, not only for your loved one but for you and other members of your family.

Families need support, too

No family should have to navigate this alone.

If you’re reading this and wonder what to do, please know this: you are not failing, and other families just like you are also going through this. Loving someone with a substance use disorder with or without a mental illness can be exhausting, frightening, and isolating.

You deserve support—whether or not your loved one is ready for help.

It’s not like these groups sit around singing Kumbaya.

They often know the best treatment centers, clinical support, and even have the inside scoop on which businesses hire those just entering recovery. So, these groups have valuable, up-to-date information because they are currently going through it.

Calling or texting a crisis line (USA 988 or 741-741 text line) can help connect to local resources, talk through next steps for your loved one, and help you think through options when you are in emotional turmoil and unsure what to do.

You can call together with your loved one on speakerphone, use three-way calling, or reach out on your own.

You and your loved one can also text 988 together—or you can text by yourself if you are uncertain of next steps. Support can look different in different moments, and all of those ways of reaching out are valid.

There are places where families can talk honestly, learn how to respond differently, and stop carrying this alone:

• Families Anonymous (FA) – Peer support for relatives and friends of people struggling with drug or alcohol use. Meetings are confidential and grounded in shared experience.
• Nar-Anon – Support for families and friends affected by someone else’s drug use. Nar-Anon focuses on coping, boundaries, and healing for you, not fixing the person you love.
• Al-Anon – For families affected by someone else’s drinking. Even if alcohol isn’t the only substance involved, many families find Al-Anon helpful in understanding how addiction impacts relationships.
• SMART Recovery Family & Friends – A science-based, skills-focused option that helps families communicate more effectively, reduce conflict, and protect their own well-being.
• CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) – Education and support that helps families respond in ways that reduce harm and create conditions more conducive to recovery. CRAFT does not promise to “fix” addiction—but it does help families regain a sense of agency.

If you or your loved one is in immediate emotional distress:

• Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• Text 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
• Visit WarmLine.org for peer support when you need to talk but aren’t in crisis (Be patient. The website is slow.)

Reaching out doesn’t mean things are at their worst. It means you’re tired of doing this alone.

Sources

1. Nick Reiner’s medication for schizophrenia was adjusted before parents’ killings, sources say, NBC News
2. Mental illness and violence: Debunking myths, addressing realities
3. Lethal Means Safety and Suicide Prevention

Below is a free guide of resources for families of the addicted, including groups, books, workbooks, courses, and a search engine for finding legitimate recovery centers. Scroll to the bottom of this page for more resources.

Download the PDF

AnneMoss Rogers

AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives.  She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.