Bereaved parents never forget their deceased child’s birthday.
The picture above is of my 20-year-old son Charles, on his last birthday in 2015. He was in Georgia with his grandparents and asked to go to….drum roll…. Taco Bell of all places, for his birthday!
He had worked there for gosh sakes.
My son Charles would have turned 31 years old on Sunday, April 26, 2026. I still ache that we celebrate the birthday without the birthday boy.
Birthdays will always hurt
Even the joyful memories will have pain sitting next to them.
It was on his birthday and the day after his birthday when Charles started acting odd, and it kept getting worse. Shockingly, he was going through withdrawal, yet none of us knew why he suddenly got so sick. My husband and I were not there, and his grandparents had to take him to urgent care and then the ER, not having any idea what was going on.
And Charles wasn’t saying squat.
The ER wasn’t giving grandma and grandpa any information, and we were on the phone, and they weren’t saying anything to us either.
Was he dying?
Then, grandpa, fed up with their odd evasiveness, loses it with the ER nurse who couldn’t say what the issue was due to HIPAA (USA privacy laws). So she said what she could and blurted out that he couldn’t be treated in the ER and he’d have to go to detox.
Say what?
I still feel horrible guilt that the grandparents were left to figure all this out while we were 12 hours away. But my husband would drive down and take him to rehab once out of detox. My son then went to rehab, and all that time, we had no idea what drug he was addicted to (HIPAA again), although we thought it was an opiate. (It did turn out to be).
And that was our last birthday with him ever.
We’d never get another one, and I thought we would. The regrets over that are stifling still.
I thought there would be lots more.
It was June 5, 2015, that he took his life while going through withdrawal due to a relapse after rehab.
How do you get through all the birthdays after a profound loss?
Make plans.
Even if you don’t follow through with them, make plans. Go DO something. We have every year for the last 11 years, and it’s so helpful to be doing something fun, being with friends or family, even if we are more solemn and less fun than usual. It doesn’t mean putting aside the grief. We leave space for that, too.
The Saturday prior to Sunday, April 26, 2026, the day before “the birthday”, I was feeling the heaviness of heart in my chest when I got a text message from my surviving son. “Hey, Mom, it’s Charles’ birthday tomorrow. I’ll call you and Dad on Sunday.” ❤️
Perfect timing. Perfect thing to say. To Charles: Happy birthday in heaven, love bug.
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
Anne Moss- I did think of Charles on his birthday. He and Duncan share the same birthday. I still don’t know quite what to say on this occasion. No easy words. Hang in there, and keep on reaching out to people, as you have continued to do. Prayers are with you.
Thank you Cathy. There is no perfect phrase. But commenting here means a lot. Remembering him means a lot.
AnneMoss, as a friend who walks this road with you and as a father who also carries the weight and love of a son gone too soon, my heart is right beside yours as you honor Charles on his 31st birthday in Heaven. These days reach so deep, and yet you continue to meet them with honesty, courage, and a tenderness that helps the rest of us breathe a little easier.
From our family and from Adam’s Story here in Kansas City, we’re holding you close today. We know the ache of celebrating a birthday without the birthday boy, and we also know the fierce love that never fades. Your willingness to share Charles’s story — the joy, the struggle, the truth — brings comfort and understanding to families across KC and far beyond. You’ve helped so many of us feel less alone in our grief, and we are grateful.
As we remember Charles with you, we’re also lifting up the incredible work you continue to do in his name. Your voice, your compassion, and your leadership have made such an impact on our community here in Kansas City. You remind us that even in the hardest places, there is room for hope, faith, and healing.
Happy Heavenly Birthday, Charles. May you feel him close today, and may God’s peace surround you and your family.
With love and solidarity,
Andy & the Tilton family
Adam’s Story KC
Thank you so much, Andy. You are such a dear friend and fellow bereaved parent doing this work. I appreciate your continued support.
Thanks for sharing this latest article with us – your love for Charles shines through. And I like the way that you encourage us all to do something. For myself, I gather with some friends and my brother and we go out for a meal. At home, I place a tea light candle in a little red glass jar and put a photo of Martin with a little dog, before it. And for him, I always write a letter that is reflective of the past year. Some folk might think this mad but who cares what people think.
I LOVE that you shared your ritual because everyone is different and the more ideas the better. If it helps you and doesn’t cause yourself harm, then it’s a great way to remember your loved one.
Sending a hug to you and a huge ‘Happy Birthday’ to your dear Charles in Heaven. I am sure there was a huge celebration there and most likely he was with you for yours also!
I always picture him having a big celebration. Thank you! ❤️
Happy 31st Birthday to Charles. 🩵
We never forget.
We do not. Thank you Gray.
I’m so sorry for your loss and I know how painful the birthdays are. My son died of an accidental overdose 4 years ago at the age of 35. As parents we never forget the birthdays and holidays, and while the pain eases a bit, there is always sadness because our child is not here. I truly appreciate your website and your candor in sharing. It has helped me tremendously! Happy birthday Charles!
It has always helped me to be among others who have experienced loss of a child particularly a loss that is a death of despair like ours were. Thank you for being part of our healing community and for this comment. ❤️
Anne, I really enjoy hearing about your journey and how beautifully you express your love for Charles. You are such a wonderful grief teacher and an inspiring presence in my life. Wishing a heartfelt Happy Birthday in heaven to Charles!
That is so thoughtful Chano. Thank you.
Thinking of you all and praying for peace. The work you do is so important. God Bless.
Thank you Kate.