Suicide method is mentioned briefly. If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide, call or text 988.
When I did a suicide prevention train-the-trainer program in Canada in 2019 (one of many), I met a woman who was there because she lost her 12-year-old nephew to suicide. He had told several adults that he wanted to die.
No one took him seriously.
She told me the parents were racked with guilt, making the unbearable pain even more difficult. She struggled, too. While he didn’t tell her directly, he left her many hints which she regretted missing.
Suicide in elementary school–aged children is not well studied, despite a recent increase in the suicide rate among US African American children. Compared with early adolescents who died by suicide, children who died by suicide were more commonly male, black, died by hanging/strangulation/suffocation, and died at home. (Sheftall et al., 2016)
Never Ignore Direct Wishes to Die
Here is what is important.
One study showed that 1/3 of preteens who died by suicide told an adult DIRECTLY about wanting to die or kill themselves, but were not taken seriously.
This was not because the adults were terrible people, but because it was so hard to take young kids seriously. It’s difficult to think that their lives, which look pretty good to you, would be so bad that they would actually follow through with attempting or taking their life.
We need to take those words seriously from little ones, too
Because even if they are not going to act on them (and they may), it does mean that something is gravely wrong in their life!
Don’t dismiss it with, “They are just trying to get attention.“
Don’t look at it as an “attention-seeking” confession, but a desperate attempt for help and a longing for safety and security that requires your undivided attention.
When I was ED of a youth mental health organization, most of our cases involved those under 12, mostly around ages 6-10, and had lived with suicidal thoughts or had attempted suicide. Here’s the thing. Signs of potential suicide threat or thoughts are an opportunity for early intervention to prevent it now or when they are older.
We do not want to wait until they reach crisis but instead take an upstream approach.
Young kids, usually as young as 8, do have thoughts of suicide
Some children experience these thoughts earlier, but age 8 is the most common age when young people report first having them. They don’t want these thoughts, and they are often frightened by them.
That’s why early intervention matters so much. Your efforts genuinely make a difference because they reduce key risk factors before they have a chance to take hold. After working in youth mental health for decades (since 2010), I’ve seen countless children who struggled early on grow into well-adjusted teens and adults when they received consistent, effective, and straightforward support. Early intervention works.
A simple place to start is teaching young children, and all children, to pause or “take a deep breath” before reacting. That one small skill can set the stage for healthier coping as they grow.
I suggest using a snow globe to illustrate that concept.
Impulse control, whether ADHD or not, is a top suicide risk factor in this age group
For kids this age who die by suicide, it is an impulsive response to psychosocial adversity. (e.g., fight with a family member).
If someone you know says, “I want to die,” your response is, “Tell me more. I am listening.”
This post is from my presentation “Spotting Youth at Risk of Suicide: Signs and Early Intervention Strategies for Ages 6-10” for Lincoln Prairie Behavioral Health Center in Illinois. Much love. In memory of my son, Charles Aubrey Rogers who died by suicide in 2015.
Video on Youth & Suicide:
- YouTube Video: Child Says, ‘I Want to Die.’ Take it seriously?
- YouTube Video: Does Asking My Child About Suicide Plant the Idea in Their Head?
- YouTube Short: Suicide: Never Ignore a Direct Wish to Die!
Sources:
- Sheftall, A. H., Asti, L., Horowitz, L. M., Felts, A., Fontanella, C. A., Campo, J. V., & Bridge, J. A. (2016). Suicide in Elementary School-Aged Children and Early Adolescents. Pediatrics, 138(4), e20160436. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2016-0436
- Chaudhary S, Hoffmann JA, Pulcini CD, et al. Youth Suicide and Preceding Mental Health Diagnosis. JAMA Netw Open. 2024;7(7):e2423996. doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2024.23996
- Understanding the Characteristics of Suicide in Young Children
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
We need to appreciate that young people often do not have the life experience at their disposal to project themselves future wise to give them some sense of the potential for change in relation to their situation. As such, their pain is just as real as an older person. Alas though, they can lack insight into how best to deal with their emotions and thoughts. We who are older at least have our experiences to give us a sense of this potential for change.
Others think that if a person wants to die then why are they not at least attempting it, “They are just attention seeking.” For young people, this is often the way that they are viewed.
But not having the means (and l think we each of us have our own thoughts as to the means), does not negate the fact that we are serious in that moment in time.
I speak here from personal experience and from a place where l have been very close but had not the means.
Your article is such an important part of the prevention message
Your lived experiences makes your comment all the more valuable, Heath. Thank you.