An employee has come to you to talk. You’ve noticed she’s been late and quieter, which is uncharacteristic. Her numbers have slipped a little, and while hardly catastrophic, she is a top producer, so you suspect something is up.
This is a sample conversation a manager might have with someone struggling with a personal issue and feeling overwhelmed, followed by a list of what the employee might be concerned about and tips to keep in mind when having these conversations.
Employees who feel like someone cares about something other than their productivity numbers tend to stay. What’s more, they do become productive again and feel more invested in the company.
Employee (Melanie): I am so overwhelmed, and I can’t get all my work done. There is so much going on in my life right now, and it’s getting to me.
Manager: (addresses employee calmly) I see you are really stressed, and it’s causing frustration. Do you want to share more about what’s going on? I promise to shut up and listen. And I won’t try to fix either.
Melanie: My son is struggling with depression, and we just can’t get him the help he needs. I can’t seem to fix it. I feel like I’m failing at home. I feel like I’m failing at work.
Manager: First, thank you for your trust in me. That sounds like a lot, especially when it’s your kid. It sounds like you are really juggling a lot of plates. Is that what you mean?
Melanie: Yeah. That’s it….
Manager: You know, nobody’s life goes perfectly for a whole professional or personal life. We all hit adverse events. So, while I can’t fix this, I can work with you to plan to manage the workload now that I know what’s going on. Is there anything you can drop off your list?
Melanie: Yeah, but if I do, I feel like I might risk everything—my future at the company I mean.
Manager: You are a really great employee, and we don’t want to lose you. The most important thing right now is your mental health and your family. If that feels out of balance, we must adjust your workload temporarily or as you need it.
Melanie: Really? I’ve always been a top producer, and I don’t want to feel like I’m piling on everyone else.
Manager: You know, I lost my dad a couple of years ago. Do you remember how under the water I was? And it went on for a long time.
Melanie: I remember. We worked with Paul a lot during that time.
Manager: My dad was only 50 years old, and we had always been very close. His death was sudden and unexpected, and it rocked my entire existence.
Melanie: I’m sorry about that. That had to be hard. And I have similar feelings—the part you said about feeling underwater.
Manager: It was hard, but I leaned on you all. As a department, we need to be there for each other. One day you can pay it forward. Let’s start with a list– prioritize which things are most important, and which items or bits we can allocate to others.
Melanie: Thank you. That would help.
Manager: Let’s also set you up with HR so you get a run-down of the Employee Assistance Programs—benefits that are available to you as an employee and can really help.
Check out the free resources on our mental health resources page and in our free eBook Library.
What the employee is worrying about:
These are some of the concerns this employee might have floating about in their head. We are using she/her as an example in this list. However, men are concerned about the same issues.
- Losing a job at a crucial time—Fear that struggles will lead to termination when you need stability the most.
- Not pulling one’s weight or underproducing—Worries about letting the team down and not meeting expectations.
- Being distracted and off one’s game—Struggling to focus and feeling as if you are playing catch-up when you’re used to feeling confident.
- Fear and guilt of not handling anything well—Feeling overwhelmed and doubting your ability to manage work, parenting, and personal well-being.
- Being judged—Worried that colleagues or supervisors may see you as weak, unreliable, or unprofessional.
- Fear of retaliation or career consequences—Worrying that being honest about struggles could lead to reduced hours, fewer opportunities, exclusion from key projects, or future promotions.
- Not knowing how much to share—Struggling to find the balance between transparency and privacy. Is this a safe space?
- Financial stress—Worrying about the cost of therapy, special schooling, prescriptions, or other resources.
- Lack of support or solutions—Experiencing a sense of isolation and the belief that effective resources or solutions are unavailable.
- Fear of burnout—Knowing you’re stretched thin and worrying you’ll crack under the weight of stress.
- Lack of control—Feeling powerless over the demands of the job.
Fishbowl Game: Activator Game for Creating Connection in Workplaces
Build teamwork, connections, relationships, and a foundation of workplace wellness with this done-for-you activity. Works great as an icebreaker!
Key Takeaways for Supporting an Overwhelmed Employee:
- Listen. Let the person feel heard. You only need to listen long enough to recognize they may need support.
- Don’t fix. You can’t solve someone’s problems. Avoid giving advice or diagnosing. Focus on what support you can offer.
- Offer empathy. Acknowledge what they shared. If appropriate, briefly share a personal experience and thank them for their honesty and trust in you.
- Reassure. Make it clear that seeking help is not a weakness, will not be held against them, and does not harm future opportunities. Asking for help takes courage.
- Rebalance. Help manage immediate stress by clarifying priorities, adjusting timelines, scheduling, or temporarily redistributing tasks when possible.
- Connect. Share information about available supports such as EAP benefits (Employee Assistance Programs), employee resource groups, leave options, mental health benefits, and flexible scheduling. Keep a simple list of internal and community resources readily available.
- Be discreet. Check in privately. While full confidentiality can’t always be guaranteed, you can promise discretion and respect.
See Mental Health Workplace Wellness Programs from Mental Health Awareness Education.
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.