(This 2016 image was my first speaking engagement about my experience of losing a son to drugs and suicide.)

When I thought I had finally figured out the direction I needed to go, I was hardcore spitting angry. The price tag was just too high.

Why would I have to go through the death of my son to suicide before this path was presented to me? That did not seem fair. And was I profiting off his death? This could not be it! While I had spent plenty of time on stage growing up and lots of time speaking as a business owner, I’d never done it for a living. Was that possible?

Besides, who would hire someone to speak on suicide? Addiction? Grief? Resilience? And what did I know about the topic other than lived experience? Would I be taken seriously in this space? The answer to that is not for a while.

There was so much to consider.

About two years after Charles died, I became Executive Director of a youth mental health organization where I had served on the board for a decade. In that role, I had served as the liaison between private practitioners, government caseworkers, and our board, so I understood the system and had seen plenty of real-life case studies.

Experience alone wasn’t enough. If I were going to do this work well, I needed more training.

I applied for the Pat Ash Fellowship through the YWCA.

The fellowship would provide about $17,500 to support professional development, and I poured myself into the application. After days of writing, revising and interviewing, I received the call that I had been selected.

The money certainly helped to get the training I needed. But what mattered most was what it represented. Someone believed in me. Someone saw potential in a path I was only beginning to imagine for myself.

At a time when grief had stripped away so much confidence, that vote of trust permitted me to move forward.

The idea of starting a speaking business was intimidating

I had co-owned and sold my partnership in a digital marketing firm, but a speaking business was an entirely different operation. I was 55 years old. Wasn’t that a little late to start over?

I cycled through every excuse I could find.

I questioned myself, argued with myself, and built roadblocks faster than I could remove them. Yet each time I identified an obstacle, I eventually found a way around it and it led me back to the same path.

While I was busy doubting myself, I was saying yes to small speaking opportunities

I became a certified trainer, studied best-practice guidelines, sought mentorship from experts, read books from experts, and asked for honest feedback. And oh yeah, I wrote my first book. And then a second.

Looking back, I took one step and then another, forgiving myself for not having the entire plan mapped out but knowing I was on the right path. At least for now. “Get on a path and allow it to evolve” was my thought process.

Purpose doesn’t arrive fully formed. It emerges through action, often while we’re still questioning whether we’re capable of it.

AnneMoss Rogers

AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives.  She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.