by Mental Health Speaker, AnneMoss Rogers

How to Respond to an Employee/Co-Worker Struggling with a Mental Health Issue

Let’s say an employee tells you he struggles to get out of bed. He knows that coming in late and looking unkept is not how he wants to show up and he feels embarrassed he’s not been able to snap out of it and he’s not sure what to do but thought he needed to let you know what is happening.

As a manager or co-worker, you might feel overwhelmed because you are unsure of what to say, what to do, or how to fix it.

You may even think, “This is not my area.”

But in today’s workplace, it needs to be. Because retention, productivity, and profits depend on an emotionally healthy and supported workforce.

So how do you respond to the situation above?

#1 Don’t panic. Stay put. Breathe.

Work through that “I want to flee” feeling that comes with fear, helplessness, and overwhelm. That can mean taking a deep breath to take a pause. It’s just a conversation.

#2 You don’t have to fix this.

What’s more, you can’t fix this and you’re not a therapist. But you can listen with compassion, and empathy while handling the matter with discretion.

What if they go on too long? 

You can say something like…

“I want to hear what you have to say but you’ve shared enough already that I feel concern for you. May I connect you with [this resource] to see what is available for employees? We can do that together.”

This way you’ve indicated partnership and it’s not a cold handoff.

#3 Meet that person where they are by listening.

Listen more and lecture less.

This is the most important step of all because people, employees especially, don’t feel seen and don’t feel heard. This has an impact on productivity, bottom line, and retention.

You want to allow for stretches of silence after a question or in the middle of the conversation because that person is likely processing. We don’t need to talk over their thoughts.

By listening without judgment or interrupting, you are allowing the person to empty their head of chatter that has likely taken up a lot of brain real estate. Chances are, this person has been holding onto these thoughts for weeks or even months, and by simply listening, you are allowing that person a safe space to let it all out. The closest word would be “unburdening.”

We don’t think of listening as doing enough but sitting with someone in their pain or tragedy is a gift you won’t regret. It will not make you feel down but instead, empowered and useful.

Listening, after all, is the best way to determine the right support to offer. And what if you have no idea what’s next? If you are uncertain of next steps, you can take a day or two to think about it and let it marinate or tell them you are going to connect with another person who will also be discreet. Make sure to update your colleague or employee so they know it’s still on your radar.

#4 Thank them for the courage to share this with you.

They chose to speak to you because you are trustworthy. What an honor. That says a lot about you.

This person had to be very nervous coming to you and being so vulnerable. They likely obsessed over whether to tell, who to tell, and how to tell, worrying about it for days, weeks, or even months. They may be concerned that the issue means they are weak and they’ll be fired, passed over for future promotion, or deemed unworthy of future projects. So find out the policy of how it’s handled and how it will show up in their file. Like anything medical, it falls under HIPAA which means it won’t usually go into permanent employment records.

Explain that this will be handled discreetly.

You can say something like, “Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it was hard to be so vulnerable and took a lot of courage. I’m honored you trusted me”

#5 Be Transparent

Let them know the next steps you will take in the process and then say, “Does this sound good to you?” and address any hesitation or concerns with that person. We want that individual to have agency in the process.

#6 Do not diagnose a mental illness.

You can say, “It sounds like you’ve felt depressed or down recently. Is that right?” 

That’s to clarify what they’ve told you. You don’t need to make assumptions beyond what they’ve told you. Stick to the facts and feelings they share and you can clarify with questions which shows you are listening.

#7 Be vulnerable but don’t overshare.

It’s OK to admit that you, too, live with depression, or have had moments where you felt the imposter syndrome, for example. Say enough to connect and allow them to feel less alone.

But do remember, this is about them so resist going into your whole story about how you recovered or worked through it unless they ask you and you want to share that.

#8 Admit you don’t have all the answers but you can work together to figure out the next steps.

The idea is to let them know you have their back. Let them know of company policies, who they can talk to, and any EAP, ERG, or local resources. 

I always suggest that managers assign someone in the dept to find local resources–groups, nonprofits, crisis lines, warm lines, etc– and put them in a PDF. It’s also important to have an actual space, a table, with resources somewhere in a physical office if that exists.

Having posters up with the crisis lifeline or a table with resources for things like substance misuse, gambling support, groups for family members who have a loved one who struggles illustrates the company isn’t all about profits but understands employees are people and no one’s life goes perfect for their whole professional career.

Just having the resources communicates a caring environment. Here is our resources page to get started.

I was a GM when my sh*t hit the fan in 2020…my company was only worried about their bottom line…and I was told to “shake it off” by my family…the Stigma is a deadly evil 

Steve, General Manager, Oil Industry

An emotionally healthy work culture starts with leaders who embrace the topic and don’t treat it like a “check the box” approach but instead commits to baking it into the work culture. It also means managers who don’t throw people under the bus who have previously met expectations or exceeded them but are struggling now to do so.

Because if someone who has been a good performer suddenly isn’t, something is disrupting that. It’s like the stock market. It can’t always be great but over time if you invest right, it pays off in the long run. Your people are your most valuable asset, so they are always worth the investment of your time and attention.

Other Related Workplace Mental Health Articles:

• How to Have a Mental Health Conversation
• Toxic Positivity and its Impact on Mental Health in the Workplace and Schools
• How Did I Manage a Professional Image When My Personal Life Was Falling Apart?

See Mental Health Workplace Wellness Programs from Mental Health Awareness Education.

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AnneMoss Rogers

AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives.  She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.