Epic failure can be anything from a natural disaster, a loss, a complete flop, or a failure to meet a dream or objective.
When we fail or experience an adverse event, we rarely think, “This is a learning opportunity!” However, the success of anything is the collection of lessons we have learned from failures. It’s up to us to find the lessons, educate ourselves and others, and also see what we did right as well as what we did wrong.
Given that we can’t reverse the outcome, sometimes what’s needed is to reframe and recognize what went wrong. Because life doesn’t hum along to a perfect tune. And that’s where the growth and learning come from.
It can start with education, getting feedback, reaching out for help, and doing the work that goes with the growth opportunity.
In every tragedy or failure, most elements are out of our control
Chances are, none of you asked for the growth opportunity that comes with an adverse event or failure.
If you started a steak restaurant business and then an outbreak of mad cow disease hit, that’s an unfortunate circumstance you could not have predicted.
If you struggle now because you had abusive parents, it might take a long time to understand that it wasn’t your fault and understand you are a survivor of trauma and not a failure as a human.
If your company plant had an explosion and they had to lay people off because the location has to be rebuilt, that’s not something within your control.
We can’t control another person, certain life circumstances, the weather, road conditions, timing, the economy, or much of anything except ourselves most of the time.
We can control how we react. Unpredictable things happen. And failure doesn’t mean we didn’t try hard enough, or invest enough money, love, and hard work.
You can’t isolate in a silo and find the lessons
And it won’t fall from the sky into your lap. You have to actively dig for and learn how to find them which is part of the growth that happens with suffering.
You can process what happened by writing, talking in groups, running, walking, reading, and more. Adding to one’s toolbox is not a one-time process but one that is on a continuum.
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Lessons from failure
It’s a learning experience:
When you take a risk and fail, you can learn valuable lessons from the mistakes made if you reflect on what went wrong, identify areas for improvement, and apply those lessons to future endeavors. If you ruminate in self-blame, that process is stunted. So self-compassion is part of this growth process.
It builds resilience:
When you bounce back from setbacks, you develop resilience and you learn better ways to handle future challenges.
It leads to new opportunities:
Failure opens up new opportunities and can also lead to new connections and collaborations that can help you achieve your goals in unexpected ways. It can change your life.
It’s not permanent:
Feelings change, things are always changing, and learning to adapt is part of that process.
While failure is not nearly as fun as winning the lottery, the key is understanding that it’s not a reflection of your worth or abilities. In short, failure is a stepping stone toward future success.
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
Hi Anne, as always, so insightful. Like you have said in response to Lisa Sabey, it took you a long time to reframe and process your thinking. I sometimes think that it takes us all along a journey of discovery that it takes time to change our thinking and our emotional response to events beyond our control, and not our time alone, but Nature’s time. This is why we experience things that may speak to us a failure but are, in effect, learning opportunities.
These learning opportunities are not some spiritually-driven Divine event designed to teach us, but are learning opportunities whose lessons can only be gleamed retrospectively, at least to my way of thinking. And if some events which are beyond our control are seen as merely learning opportunities, then the tuition fees are simply not worth the expense. The real learning is born out of the wisdom that the event has been able to bring to our awareness as we come to own and connect to the stirring deep within and our own inner response to those stirrings; our own reaction as too our own meaning that we place upon these feelings. Sometimes people will tell us that there is a lesson to be learned and that simplification gets them off the hook especially if the event were deeply painful or emotional. Trusting that this little rambling makes some sense to other folks.
This! “These learning opportunities are not some spiritually-driven Divine event designed to teach us, but are learning opportunities whose lessons can only be gleamed retrospectively.”
How many times someone has said or implied that there was a reason behind my suffering. To test me and my faith. That’s just BS because it’s not part of some grand plan. It just is.
This is so well said, Heath. Thank you for fleshing it out so well.
I love your articles Anne. There’s always a tidbit from each one that I can add to my child loss toolbox. Thank you💙
Thank you Jean. It’s how I process everything in my head.
It often is “failure” where you find your passion and power to make change. You have done that. Thanks!
Thank you. I have had to reframe and that took such a long time and a process to make happen. I lapse but I have a process for that, too because it’s expected.