The most effective way to break mental health stigma by telling stories. So why not share yours?
The best stories are those shared by co-workers at a workplace or peers at a school or university because they are the most relatable. When I speak as a mental health speaker for a workplace or school, one of my goals is to inspire those ready to be vulnerable enough to tell their story.
Are you ready to tell your story?
Being vulnerable can be terrifying and storytellers often wonder if they are ready. Figuring out if you are ready is a matter of whether your wish to tell the story outweighs the anxiety of telling it. Because there will always be some fear and anxiety. That’s a natural part of being vulnerable. It’s a good exercise to go through your inventory of fears one by one to negotiate whether it’s a fact or not or whether you can live with it or not.
While this varies, a good rule of thumb is two years after the worst of your crisis and once you have found healing. If you are still in a place where you are overly angry, bitter, resentful, or fragile, you may need more time to process, which is natural. So it might make sense to wait until you are in a better place emotionally.
How long should your story be?
The story you share should be 10-20 minutes. The principal error people make is adding too much detail. Audiences don’t need a whole history timeline but a big-picture view of the story and details that will resonate with your audience.
You can start by writing it all, known as a brain dump, and then edit after. Or have someone else edit your story. It is a good idea to have another person review your story.
Do you feel nervous about telling your story?
Do know that audiences listening to a deep, personal story are always very appreciative, supportive, far less critical of the delivery, and likely to be empathetic to the speaker’s nervousness instead of being put off by it. In fact, that just makes the speaker even more authentic.
You can tell it instead of reading it, as long as you practice it. But do know reading it is fine, too. Delivery is not something you need to worry about. Why? Because those in the audience are with you the moment you appear on screen or in front of them. Gratefulness and support are the emotions you will feel from the audience. Your story could be someone else’s survival guide.
Since this is mental health review and do they practice safety guidelines? Doing so shows a commitment to responsible delivery on the topic.
Specific Guidelines for Novice Speakers
The following will help you write your story.
The 4 H’s of Telling a Mental Health Story are Hardship, Help, Healing, and Hope
HARDSHIP
Your story.
HELP
What helped you through the crisis?
HEALING
How you healed.
HOPE
Why do you have hope?
- Describe who you are, what you do, and a bit about yourself.
- Share your experience of crisis. What happened before you received the help you needed? Think about the most important thing you’d like your listener to know. Keep this section brief and don’t include triggering graphic detail of a suicide method or attacks.
- Share what helped you. Describe how you got through the crisis and found help and hope, or what more would have helped you. This step is important, as it illustrates the value of support and provides resources or actions others can take.
- Share your experience of recovery. How has this experience changed you for the better? What kind of support helped you? What coping strategies helped you? Share how you maintain recovery and share your hope for others.
- Share resources. Every talk about suicide or mental illness should also have resources. That can be in the form of a slide and cards to hand out that promote help-seeking behavior.
- (Reference: Guidelines for Successful Storytelling.)
After someone tells their story you should expect:
- Others will reach out and tell you their story
- You’ll need to share resources or point out the resource table
- You’ll need to utilize self-care practices and a support network if you are feeling overwhelmed. Decide ahead of time what coping strategies would be effective. For example, perhaps ask someone to escort you from the area 15 minutes after your speech has ended because you need time to process.
Use the Right Language
This part might be obvious, but no speaker should ever speak of those who suffer mental illness as crazy or psycho or refer to those who suffer substance use disorder as junkies or crackheads. You wouldn’t tolerate a speaker referring to someone with cancer as a bowling ball head or a person with diabetes as an insulin addict. Which is why it’s important to treat all diseases, whether mental health or physical health, with the same respect.
Speakers should not use the phrase, “committed suicide.” The “committed” phrase has been in our lexicon for hundreds of years, but it’s not what you want a speaker to say on stage. Instead, mental health speakers should use phrases like “she killed herself,” “he took his life,” or “they died by suicide.”
- Died by suicide
- Suicided (yes it can be used as a verb)
- Took his life
- Killed himself
The “committed” phrase is from the days when suicide was a crime in 1300s England. Today, suicide is recognized as a public health issue and not a crime by the Department of Defense, World Health Organization, and the National Institute of Mental Health. The newer language reflects that.
Remember, your story doesn’t make you look weak it makes you look brave. Besides that, it could be someone else’s survival guide.
Free eBook: How to Craft Your Mental Health Story for Public Events
- Includes a content warning script template
- Clear steps to reviewing scripts & stories
- Safety guidelines for the event
- How to coach storytellers
- Handout templates for novice storytellers to write their narratives for panel events
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
Thank you Anne Moss. This is very useful. I am participating in an Advocacy Group for support for mental health issues in MD were I am required to tell my story. Also, thank you for explaining the need to avoid the “committed” in suicide. I prefer the terms of “dying of…” in that that the person that dies this way dies because of his/her illness, much as a heart attack or other sudden ways of dying.
Thank you again, Gabriela
I am so happy you know to use the right language and your story will teach others to do the same. You will do great.
This article will prove extremely helpful for me as I would eventually like to share my story. I did share a little tonight with a Suicide Loss Support Group and though it was difficult for me personally, as too all of us collectively, it felt the right thing to do.
I have learnt that one should not go into minute details or about the particular method employed, as such could retraumatize others. Sharing about the difficulties that such a loss can cause and what has been of help is far more supportive. Of course, l sometimes feel that we need to address the negatives so that others in a similar situation will feel heard and they will begin to feel normal as others listen and make no judgments or offer alternative perspectives.
Far too many people tend to err on the side of positivity and (for me at least) such can push people away who do not experience the validation of their feelings and thoughts. I mentioned this to my therapist and she really understood where I was coming from. Naturally we should offer up hope but we need to appreciate that the survivor has, likewise, a need to vent and to be heard even if others believe that they should focus on the positive.
Trusting this all makes sense.
You touched on two very important points.
Detail that is too graphic, especially with suicide and self-harm, and toxic positivity which therefore doesn’t feel authentic. I have that written in the actual ebook which I meant to put as a link in the email. (I’ll send you that Heath.) It has more detail on what to share or not to share in your story. I’m so amazed and proud of you. It’s not been that long ago you lost your partner yet you are already wanting to heal by helping others.
Toxic positivity can indeed be a turnoff and invalidate the feelings of others.
This is so important! –>”I have learnt that one should not go into minute details or about the particular method employed, as such could retraumatize others.”