Whether you are chatting with a friend who just landed that big opportunity or scrolling through social media, we’ve all paused and thought, “must be nice.”
Maybe we have that same stab of envy when someone has a swanky car, that great job promotion, or that perfect family.
We tend to dive into this mindset when we are feeling low and have a hard time seeing anything great in our lives due to our current situation. (Which, by the way, is the worst time to be scrolling through social media.) The “my-life-sucks” mindset tends to block out the positive moments in your life.
“Comparison is the thief of joy,” is the saying that comes to mind if I even have a twinge of the “if only” or “must be nice” urge.
What we see from the outside always looks shinier than what’s behind the mask.
Tragedy brings with it all kinds of struggles and sadness
But it also presents an opportunity and a deeper, more meaningful appreciation of joy. And I don’t think you can understand real joy unless you have experienced real pain. Because that experience teaches you to bookmark and savor moments in your life worth saving because you know how precious they are.
The secret door is a special gift for those of us who’ve experienced an unimaginable loss or tragedy. It’s full of wisdom and insight.
It was fuzzy for me at first
It came into focus in the months after we lost my son, Charles to suicide. I now see things that I didn’t see before with such beauty and clarity. As horrible as the loss of Charles has been, and it has been brutal, the joy of finding this special gift gave my life new meaning.
The trick to finding the secret door is, quite simply, getting outside your own head. Get outside, get connected, and do something outside your comfort zone.
No one can do that 100% of the time. But like anything else, the more you practice it, the better you get at it. Comparison envy isn’t going to help you find that because there are times you simply need to stop scrolling and start living.
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
I have completely stopped social media. Nothing positive ever came out of after my son’s suicide. Zachary was my everything. Finding my way has been soul scorching and with articles like yours, I know im on the right track. Thank you for helping me.
Darlene- I had to stop listening to music because it made me just a mass of jelly on the floor. And I had to stop social media. I’d put up a post about charles but did not interact much. Seeing everyone else’s milestones were crushing! I’m so glad I can help. How long ago did you lose Zachary?
Thank you Ann for the reminders I often do the( must be nice ) to have all of your children still ! I feel cheated and why me , I should get off social media !
My son comes to me in many ways like the waiter last night at dinner !! I’ll be your server Deven !🥹
In memory of Deven
Wendy Faust
You have to know that’s exactly how I felt. And now I feel it when I see my friends holding their precious grandbabies. I’m forever chanting things like “think of one thing you are grateful for right now.” “I’m not in a war zone being bombed and feeling resentful about what someone else has is not going to help.” And then I am off social media. I spend most of my time on LinkedIn anyway. Thank you for validating what has been in my head many, Wendy.
Anne Moss, thank you for reminding me how important it is to “be still and know..” God has given us the ability to find that quite time and place if only we will take advantage of it. Our loss and grief does not half to defined us, nor our present surroundings, we with God’s help can rise above our valleys to His mountain tops.
In Loving Memory of Adam Paul Tilton
That is so beautifully said, Andy so I will say no more.