This is a script for those days or weeks after your child has
- admitted to having thoughts of suicide or
- has come home from a hospital stay after a suicide attempt.
You may feel terrified and want to call or text your child every half hour and ask them if they are OK. Keep in mind your child is alive now, and not all of us.
Don’t panic. Take a deep breath.
After a confession or hospital stay, teens can feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, and humiliated by all that attention. They may still be working through confusing feelings about why they would do something like that. This conversation or script offers words that can give them some of their power back. It also allows you to model getting help and support for yourself.
No one will read from a script, of course, this is an example, and you can use your own words.
Often, it’s easier to have a conversation when you are doing something. Yes, driving works, but sometimes kids feel trapped. Taking a walk, doing a puzzle, or playing HORSE on an outside basketball hoop, for example, are ways they can have this conversation without facing you. That matters to young people and can encourage them to say more.
Here’s how such a conversation might go:
Son/Daughter: Mom, you are ambushing me every time I walk in the door, and you keep blowing up my phone. I’m fine!
Mom/Dad: You’re right. I’m not handling this well, am I?
Son/Daughter: Not exactly. And it’s embarrassing me.
Mom/Dad: I am grateful you confided in me about your thoughts of suicide. That took a lot of courage. But I am working through this, too, and at times, I feel panicked and terrified of the thought of losing you. That’s why I’m constantly asking, but I know how annoying and unproductive it is.
Son/Daughter: Do you?
Mom: My reaction is all fear-based. It all makes me feel short-tempered, irritable, and anxious. So I’m going to do something about it.
Son/Daughter: Like what?
Mom/Dad: I decided to get help for myself and joined a support group. I have to ask you something.
Son/Daughter: What do you want to ask?
Mom/Dad: Would you mind giving me a random hug and connected with me on occasion so that I feel less panicked?
Son/Daughter: I think I can handle that.
Mom/Dad: So if you see me getting all moody, make your move. Sending me random funny memes would work, too. I want to understand this more and understand you. As well as finding ways to manage my own anxiety.
That means listening more and lecturing less.
Son/Daughter: Oh, like that would ever happen?!
Mom/Dad: If you tell me, “Hey mom, that’s unsolicited advice,” I will stop lecturing, laugh at myself, declare you correct and then shut up.
Son/Daughter: (joking) Whatever will I do without those worthless words of wisdom?
Mom/Dad: Are you downplaying my genius nuggets of wisdom? Seriously, though, I know you can figure all of it out. Thank you for listening to me, and know that I am here to listen to you, too. So how can I help you? Your turn. I’m shutting up now.
Do follow through and find help and support for yourself because you are not the only one going through this and you need to see that other great parents are, too.
- Find NAMI Family Support Group in your area or online.
My child has been suicidal. What do I do now?
A what to do, what to say guide for caregivers.
This free 20-page eBook focuses on how to manage the conversations & emotions you are experiencing after a child has confessed to suicide, attempted suicide, or is coming home after a hospital stay after an attempt.
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
I was one of these children as a teenager. I was relently bullied at school by both teachers and students on a daily basis. I remember coming home and announcing that I wished that I was dead. I was scolded by my parents for thinking about that, and that I was valued. The bullying continued into work. I’m now 60 and still have no self esteem.
Bullied by teachers too! That is so unacceptable and I am sorry. And like a lot of kids you expressed a wish to die and those around you didn’t take it seriously. Kids and adults can be cruel although I won’t ever understand why. It costs nothing to be kind. And I am sorry no one showed you the kindness you deserved