People think little kids, especially children under 12, don’t think about suicide.
We sometimes make the mistake of thinking that if a young child doesn’t have the knowledge or ability to carry out a suicide, that there is no suicide risk. A suicide at this age is a more impulsive act, usually activated by a conflict with family or friends.
If a child expresses the wish enough, it’s time for a conversation to find out what’s going on and what is underneath the comments, because it can often indicate that something is gravely wrong even if it turns out the child does not have suicidal intent. If it is determined that there might be an intent to die, early intervention can reduce the risk of them taking their life now or later. Because early intervention works.
When do suicidal thoughts start? Since my own son’s suicide at age 20, I combed over his writing and talked to friends, looked back on behavior I couldn’t figure out back then, but now understand Charles showed signs of suicide at age 9 or 10. I have often spoken with people who tell me they began having suicidal thoughts as young as age 8. Some tell me they remember having those thoughts as early as age 6, although that is far rarer.
Early warning signs matter
Research has shown that suicide among preteens is not simply an adolescent phenomenon arriving a few years early.
In a 2024 study published in JAMA Network Open, researchers examined suicide among U.S. children ages 8–12 from 2001 through 2022. After declining through 2007, the suicide rate increased by an average of 8.2% every year from 2008 through 2022. Comparing the two periods, the rate was about 71% higher in 2008–2022 than in 2001–2007.1
In a study of kids under 12, the researchers also found:3
- Female preteens had a disproportionate increase in suicide rate compared to male preteens.
- Black preteens had the highest overall suicide rate.
- Hispanic preteens had the greatest percent increase in suicide rate.
- Hanging and suffocation were the most common suicide methods, but firearms were the most rapidly increasing suicide method.
> Get an early intervention case study here.
> Get AnneMoss’s Presentation PDF Description here. Spotting Students at Risk: Signs and Early Intervention Strategies for the Littles (Ages 5-12)
While suicide remains rare among young children, that doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent.
I saw this in my work as executive director of a youth mental health organization. Many of the cases submitted for additional treatment funding involved children who had been suicidal or had engaged in behavior that raised serious concerns about suicide. Most of our cases were kids under 10, and most of them struggled with early signs of suicidal intent through their words, actions, in the pictures they drew, or, in a couple of cases, direct exposure to a family suicide. One 9-year-old boy found his grandfather dead by suicide from a firearm and from there he struggled with suicidal thoughts.
One case involved an 8-year-old who ran into the road that had a lot of traffic.
He knew better. And when questioned afterward, he couldn’t explain what had come over him. He said he had been “in a dream.”
The therapist treating him described it as similar to the trance-like state some people experience when suicidal thoughts become overwhelming. There had also been other impulsive or concerning behaviors, some connected to conflict with a family member and others that seemed to come out of nowhere.
We should not assume it’s not the result of suicidal thinking. And if possible, we shouldn’t wait until a child makes a potentially lethal attempt before we decide that something is wrong. This case got the funding they needed for treatment.
One of the most important findings from research on young people who died by suicide
Some of them told someone.
In a study of children and early adolescents who died by suicide, researchers found that nearly one third had disclosed their suicidal intent to someone before their death.2
Nearly 3 in 10 had disclosed their suicidal intent
Lisa Horowitz, PhD, MPH, a clinical psychologist and researcher at the National Institute of Mental Health, described the finding this way:
“One time I was part of a study of pre-teens, and it turned out that a third of them that had died by suicide had told an adult that they were thinking about it. But a lot of times we don’t take it seriously. So it’s really important to take talk of suicide seriously in everyone.2”
Dr. Arielle Sheftall, one of the study’s researchers, similarly noted:
“We also found that 29 percent of children and early adolescents disclosed their intention for suicide to someone prior to their death.2”
Think about that.
That means there were children who gave the adults around them an opportunity to know something was wrong. We cannot know whether every one of those deaths could have been prevented if the disclosure had been recognized and acted upon. But we do know something important: Children sometimes tell us. Younger kids especially.
And when they do, we need to listen.
This is a strong argument to start suicide screening starting at age 10
The ASQ suicide screening tool is the only research-validated tool for kids 8-17. It’s recommended for ages 10 and up. It can also be used for ages 8 and 9 when clinically indicated.
For kids under the age of 8, I have a presentation and share a script to figure out if they do have intent or not because it’s more complicated at that age given their understanding of death and a phase of magical thinking. There are no set tools but a guided conversation on determining how mature their concept of death is, and then how to have that conversation with younger kids is important.
They are just trying to get attention
Maybe they are. And here’s the thing:
A child who is trying to get attention may be trying to tell you something. How else are they going to get it? Smoke signals? Asking for help is not wrong. It’s a sign of strength that we want to encourage.
Attention is not the problem. The question is why they need it. What is the underlying reason?
A child doesn’t need to have a fully formed suicide plan for us to take their words seriously. They don’t need to understand the mechanics of death. They don’t need to meet an adult’s definition of “serious.” They will often tell you that they’ll hold their breath until they die when we know that is not possible. What’s important is the intent and not the validity of the methodology they mention.
If an 8-year-old says they want to die, stop and listen.
Don’t tell them they don’t really mean it.
Don’t assume they are too young.
Ask questions. Get curious. Look for what angst is underneath the words.
Comments from parents with elementary-age kids
Over the years, I have met parents who have taken it very seriously and had to fight hard to advocate for support for their children since professionals don’t always know how to manage suicidal thoughts and risk in young children.
“Do something about these thoughts or words. Believe them!! Believe it. …It might be nothing. But you may be wrong. Oh, so wrong. At 10, my son didn’t say he wanted to kill himself. He didn’t know those words. But he did say he wished he hadn’t been born. Thank goodness we listened and got him help or I don’t know if he’d be here today.”
– Vikki, Registered Nurse and a Mom
My son was the youngest to ever trigger the self-harm protocol in our school system at 8 years old. They redid parts of it for elementary school age kids because of his experience. Eventually, after 2 years of different meds and a terrifying rollercoaster I wouldn’t wish on anyone, we figured out he is bipolar. Not that we are out of the woods- we never will be with him, but things are so much better now.
– Alex, Aerospace Engineer and a Dad
And if you are concerned, get professional help. And don’t let some doctor dismiss you with “they’ll grow out of it.” The goal isn’t to panic every time a child says something dramatic. The goal is to notice a pattern of distress early enough to help.
We don’t have to decide that a child is suicidal before we take them seriously. We can hear them express signs of distress early so we can change that trajectory before it ever gets to a crisis point.
Sources
- Ruch DA, Horowitz LM, Hughes JL, et al. Suicide in US Preteens Aged 8 to 12 Years, 2001 to 2022. JAMA Network Open. 2024;7(7):e2424664.
- Sheftall AH, Asti L, Horowitz LM, et al. Suicide in Elementary School-Aged Children and Early Adolescents. Pediatrics. 2016;138(4):e20160436.
- Increases Found in Preteen Suicide Rate, NIMH, July 30, 2024 Media Advisory
- Researchers Find Relationship, Behavioral Differences between Children and Early Adolescents Who Die by Suicide, September 19, 2016, Nationwide Children’s Hospital
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
My son died by suicide at age 35 last year. But I remembered that he wanted to jump off a hotel balcony at age 7.5! Of course, we locked the doors and were terrified. Then later he said a few times that he wanted to die. He was in therapy since age 6 because of his huge anxiety and some social problems, and inability to handle issues at school But apparently we had dismissed what he said, figuring he A) couldn’t be serious at that age; and B) he was seeing a therapist every week. Later in high school he would grab a bunch of his pills during a fight with us and threaten to take them all; we managed to get him to drop or spit out the pills, and again I didn’t believe he could/would really hurt himself. Sadly, in the week before he died he mentioned both to his brother and best friend that “I should just kill myself” because his wife was planning on leaving him. My son (his brother) told me he had said that, and weirdly I don’t remember it, so I have so much guilt. — again, I never thought he really could or would. Part of that stems from 2 good friends telling me years ago that he couldn’t hurt himself because he had so much fear of pain. When he lived in VT for 6 months in 2022 he told me he bought a gun and I was shocked and said “Why would you do that, you have bipolar depression, it’s dangerous.” His answer was “just to be safe and to shoot at trees in the woods. We tried taking it away from him when he moved back home, sadly to no avail. We really didn’t know what to do — if we called the police (which we did the day he died when he told us he was holding his gun after an argument with us and his wife), they would take the gun away, and maybe send him to a psychiatric hospital. If they took his gun away, we knew he could buy one again in another nearby state. He was always hysterical at the thought of going to a hospital. We never knew what to do to really keep him safe. BTW, he was on numerous mood disorder meds since 2012, and was very compliant (most of the time) about taking them, because of his fear of ending up in a hospital if he skipped even 2 doses. It was a long, exhausting road to try to keep him safe, and I believe we didn’t do enough, but I’m not sure anyone really could have.
Oh Amy. What a trail of difficulty you have traveled. I can’t fathom what else you could have done. Much love. And thank you for sharing this valuable story. We can all learn so much from it. And my takeaway is that you did all you could. I see a mom who loved her child and did the best she could.