Years ago, right after my son took his life, I needed to find out everything I could about suicide. And those who I wanted to speak to the most were those with lived expertise. They were hard to find in 2016. So I went to the overnight walk (pictured above) with my friend Shirley Ramsey and volunteered.
I kept asking the other volunteers, “What brings you here today?” And people told me their stories. At first, it was people like me, suicide loss survivors who shared their stories. I listened. I appreciated and learned a lot from these stories.
Where were the people with lived experience–the suicide attempt survivors?
Maybe they weren’t at this walk? Where were they?
Lost in thought, I got on the bus to go to the setup location for midnight snack where I would be stationed to serve the walkers who needed a break, a bandaid, water etc. I sat next to a young lady on the bus and asked my question, “What brings you here today?”
Silence.
What’s more, she looked away out the window.
I started deep breathing to calm myself and slow the, “what have you done?” mantra in my head. Maybe she was processing? I kept quiet for about a minute which seemed like an hour.
She finally turns back around and tells me that she had had depression as long as she could remember and two years prior she had attempted suicide. I did not gasp or otherwise react other than lean in to show her she had my attention and I listened intently to her story.
This was, after all, exactly what I had been hoping to hear. I nodded and occasionally put my hand briefly on her arm when she got to a difficult part.
We then reached our destination and she asked if she could hug me
She told me she had never told anyone her story and appreciated me listening with compassion and without interrupting. She also said that my son didn’t die by suicide because we didn’t love enough. That my son did love me and that he felt, like she had once, that he was a burden. Because his brain lied to him. That’s what depression does.
I thanked her profusely for sharing her story
It inspired a lot healing and answered a lot of questions. I started to get it. I started to understand it’s not so much a choice but something a person is driven to in a moment of unbearable pain. And after that, it was like I was a magnet and and attempt survivors told me their stories all night long–the stories my grieving heart craved.
I am so honored to have listened to and heard thousands of stories by now. It’s helped me understand. It’s helped me heal.
Your story could help someone else. Learn how to tell it so it becomes someone else’s survival guide.
A video with attempt survivors which helped me understand suicide.
Free eBook: How to Craft Your Mental Health Story for Public Events
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AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.
This is a very important article. Sometimes it is difficult to hear about those people who have attempted suicide as we can become sad about their pain, about the person we lost or jealous that these people are still alive whilst our own are gone from our lives forever.
But if we open up our hearts and listen to these people, we will eventually find ourselves reaching out and embracing them without judgment, jealousy or even the fear that we will fall apart. Listening to people tell you their personal stories is a powerful way to heal and to understand some of the pain that our people went through
So here is the interesting thing. I thought, “Why aren’t we talking to this group more?” “Why aren’t survivors talking to them more?” But then I would learn what you said –> …..about the person we lost or jealous that these people are still alive whilst our own are gone from our lives forever. So many felt this way. While I didn’t it made sense but didn’t occur to me. And for years there has been this kind of disdain in suicide prevention spaces and finally the two are coming together. I was so desperate to know more, it just didn’t dawn on me. I just wanted to know more and learn it from those who had lived it. Thank you for posting that perspective because it is prevalent. And your acceptance as always is lovely.