If you or someone you know is in crisis or struggling with thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 or text the crisis text line at 741-741.
By Alex, age 16
From Anxiety and Depression, to Hope and Recovery
Note: In keeping with Mental Health Awareness Education’s policy, we use only a first name and a non-front-facing photo when the writer is under 18. This is a speech Alex delivered to teens and adults at his church youth group—his very first one. With permission from Alex and his mother, I’m honored to share it here, because his story may one day serve as someone else’s survival guide.
Let me be real with you, I’m terrified to speak in front of crowds, and part of me was like “Why am I even doing this,” but the other part of me, something deep in me, just knew someone in this room had to hear this.
If we haven’t met yet, I’m Alex. I’m 16, play a lot of soccer, and honestly just want to get real with you, not as a speaker but as just another teenager.
I need you to realize how important it is for each and every one of us to open up. I care so much about this because I’ve lived it, and no one’s feelings should ever be ignored– not yours or mine.
We live in a society where males feel like they can’t open up because they are meant to be “strong” and a “leader,” and where women are being “too dramatic” if they open up.
Tell me how does this make sense?
Why would we ever neglect someone’s feelings, man? We are all human. Like, seriously, since when was being a human not cool?
Let me open up for a second, just me and you, no walls, and maybe you have felt some of this too
This should explain why I’m speaking today with the passion I have.
Middle school hit hard. I loved soccer, made straight A’s, and thought everything was fine. But after my first knee surgery in 7th grade, something changed.
Alex
I wasn’t just healing my knee, I was trying to figure out who I was without soccer. My whole life, soccer has been everything. I thought it completed me, so without it, I didn’t recognize myself. I rushed the recovery process and ended up tearing my meniscus again just three months later.
Later on, I got into a nasty argument with my best friend. I said stuff I regretted, I was speaking off my anger that I was hiding from everyone, and instead of asking for help, I pushed people away and continued to let my anger out on others.
My entire time in middle school, I was a bully, even though that wasn’t who I really was.
Deep down, I was tired, depressed, exhausted, and scared, man. Social media always told me to never open up and to hide things, so I had suicidal thoughts for the first time during middle school. For me, those suicidal thoughts sounded like I wasn’t enough.
I just wanted the pain to go away, and the world would be better off without me. I felt like I had no one I could talk to. I slept too much, isolated from all my family and friends, while somehow maintaining my grades, and missing 2 years of soccer. I told no one.
I isolated myself
In 9th grade, I moved to a boarding school in Florida, thinking all my problems would disappear.
You ever try to run from your problems? Like if something changes, it’ll just disappear? Yeah, that’s how I was.
But the second semester hit, and I was the most depressed I had ever been. I was away from home, had a recent breakup, and wasn’t growing in soccer the way I hoped. I cut everyone out, no texts, no calls. I just thought I could handle it all by myself. But that loneliness? It doesn’t just go away. It built up inside me, and I was never happy.
One day at practice, I got into it with another goalkeeper. All that anger, confusion, and anxiety I’d been bottling up for three years just exploded. Right there on the field, I lost it. I straight up burst into tears. No words, just tears. My coach listened to me but didn’t say anything. He just let me get it all out.
From that moment, I knew I had to talk about my issues, but I was still depressed, and nothing was working out for me. I overworked my body and my mind past their limit and ended up draining myself even more. At the end of 9th grade, I decided it was time to move back to Richmond.
I moved back to Richmond, thinking maybe things would get better
I was trying to run away from my problems again but honestly, I isolated myself more, my temper and irritability grew, and everyone aside from my friends at Hope got on my nerves. I kept getting more and more depressed.
I did open up a little, talking to my family and a therapist I met at IMG, but nothing was really working. I was still stuck.
The only place I ever felt kind of at home was Hope church when I started going to the youth groups when I moved back to Richmond. That was the one time I didn’t want to push people away. My intern, Hatcher, became the safe place for me to talk to about my feelings. But everywhere else? At home? It just kept getting worse. I was smiling on the outside like everything was fine, but inside? I was dying. I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere.
It wasn’t until church camp that I committed my life to God
This is when I experienced hope for the first time. We had this pastor, his name was Recab, and he was something special man. Every message hit a different part of my heart, and it was amazing.
The second night, he just finished preaching, and he asked if you were ready to give your life to Jesus, then come up to the front. So I stood up immediately and gave him the biggest hug ever. I was trying not to break down in tears, but I couldn’t hold myself together. I couldn’t stop crying, but for the first time, they weren’t sad tears.
I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. In John 16:20, Jesus tells us, “You will weep and mourn, you will become sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.” For me, that verse came alive that day, I finally felt at home somewhere.
On the last day of camp, I went to this ministry talk with the band and pastor. I thought it would be some boring talk, but some kid asked the male singer about his testimony. I didn’t know what to expect, but he opened up to us and admitted to having terrible depression and anxiety, and it got so bad to the point where he tried to take his OWN life.
His messages made me think about things in a new way
He wasn’t ashamed of what he had been through; he owned it. He was just proud of who it made him. So I raised my hand in front of everyone and asked, “How did you make your identity in the Lord… while still battling anxiety and depression? Because I’ve been trying… and it’s hard.”
He looked at me and told the story of Peter walking on water. He said, Peter steps out of the boat. Not because he’s brave. But because he trusts Jesus. But the second he takes his eyes off Jesus… he starts to sink. And that moment hit me. That’s me. That’s us. We try to walk through the storm on our own… but the second we take our eyes off of Jesus, we begin to struggle. He told me his depression faded the moment he gave his life to Christ. And I’m not saying that’ll happen to you overnight but for him and now for me, that was the turning point.
After the ministry talk, we broke off into small groups — just the 10th-grade boys. My intern started sharing how the Lord always has to be number one in our hearts. And once he finished, I felt like I had to say something. I shared what I learned during the ministry talk, and I told them, “We’re all we’ve got, man. We’re all we’ve got.”
Then I opened up about my own battles with depression and anxiety. And one by one, eyes started to water. One by one, they started to open up too.
- A room of teenage boys broke down into tears like the walls had just fallen.
- A room of teenage boys started opening up with their feelings.
- A group of guys who have always been taught to hold their feelings just opened up to one another.
You know how special that is?
- In a society where we think we are tough for holding our feelings in
- Where, if we open up, we are being too dramatic
- A place where everyone neglects each other’s feelings, and a group of teenage boys just opened up and just created a brotherhood that will never be broken.
- In a world that makes you feel this way, you can be different
This man, this lit a light inside of me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had done something. For the first time, I felt like I had served a purpose.
Alright cool, now let me get deep with you
I told my story, but now the focus is on you man. I wish I could give you a step-by-step formula on how to fix all your problems and just tell you to do this and that, but it just doesn’t work like that. I can tell you what helped me the most, though.
You gotta get it out of your head, man, write it out, draw it, talk it out. I don’t care, get whatever is bugging you out of your mind, and that’s the biggest step. Once you do that, share it with someone you love.
…I typed a 10-page essay on the way back from a soccer game that I poured my heart into and didn’t hold back on admitting that I had been depressed for the last 3 years. I was terrified, but I knew life couldn’t get worse. I texted my parents and my sister the link to the Google Doc and said, “Have fun”.
Alex
Luckily, I’m very blessed with beautiful and understanding parents and a sister, so when I texted them, they gave me all their support.
For you, it can easily be a friend, parent, teacher, intern, therapist, Hope Leader, or anyone you feel most comfortable with. What you’re saying at first doesn’t have to make sense; just get it out of your brain.
If you judge others for their problems and what they’re going through, it causes people to feel like they can’t open up. I want you to think real deep for a second. Have you ever been the problem of why someone can’t open up?
Looking back, I feel terrible
When you walk out of here, just remember you never really know what someone is going through.
I don’t care if you dislike the person or not. YOU. DONT. KNOW. WHAT. THEY. ARE. GOING. THROUGH.
I always try my best to treat everyone with love, but I’ll be real, it’s not always easy. One morning on the way to school, I stopped and gave some money to a homeless woman. She told me her story, how someone threw her out onto the streets. But here’s what shocked me: she said she still prays for them, still loves them, even though they hurt her. Her friend couldn’t understand it, but she reminded her, “Everyone is a child of God. Everyone deserves to be loved.”
That moment hit me hard. Because the truth is, people will hurt you. Your friends will hurt you, romantic relationships will end, sports seasons will go bad, you won’t make it in the student council elections, but the pain they cause is temporary. What we have with Jesus? That’s eternal.
Your emotions will never define who you are
Feelings are NOT facts. If you look at the person next to you, I promise they have issues going on with their life, too. You’re not perfect, I’m not perfect, and if you think you’re “too cool” to open up and worried about your reputation of being “cool”, I’ve been in that boat too and you’re just gonna take it out on others, and eventually you will shatter into a thousand pieces like I did.
I want you to realize, just cause you are going through a string of bad days, weeks or even months that it’s going to be okay.
The lord puts us through difficult times
The verse that means a lot to me is James 1:12. “Blessed is the one who endures the trials because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” It’s never for nothing, sometimes the pain is the thing that brings you closer to God. If we got closer to God because of it then you didn’t lose anything, you only gained the thing that matters the most.
Let me talk to you about relationships
For years, I thought a girlfriend would fix the void I felt. Relationships can’t fill the hole in our souls; only God can do that. I heard someone say, “They can’t be a Band-Aid to your void.” That opened up my eyes.
Relationships aren’t about patching pain; they’re about growing together. And now, after years of carrying that emptiness, I’m finally starting to heal.
This is something you’re gonna hear so much, and it’s because it is so important. Never put something above the lord, and this ties back to the relationships. The second you put something higher than the lord and into your identity, then your eyes come off Jesus.
You are someone special, no one is like you in this world
And the lord has given you a special ability to use. For me, the lord gave me soccer, and my whole life I put my soccer above everything else, but ever since camp, soccer is just another way for me to glorify the lord and use the athletic abilities he gave me. You may not know God’s plan for your life at 12 years old, but there is no one he has created that he does not have a special plan and calling for.
You have been blessed with something unique that the lord has given you, and you are meant to use that ability, but you can’t put that ability above God and take it for granted. The Lord can take it away at any second and humble you real fast. God didn’t give you those gifts so you could boost your ego. He gave them to you to glorify Him. So when you wake up, remind yourself that this ain’t about you. This is about Him.
Stay humble man, cause it can be gone in the blink of an eye. This gift you have? It’s not about you. It’s about the One who gave it. So don’t forget that when you wake up.
It’s OK to not be OK
Jesus never promised us an easy life, he actually promised us that walking with him would be hard, but he did promise to walk through the storms with us. And when you go through it with Him, you come out looking more like Him. After that session, the one where I broke down after clashing with the other goalkeeper, my coach came up to me and said, “A true man reveals his feelings.” That hit deep.
And yeah, I know he said ‘man’, but I believe that truth is for all of us.
Being honest about your emotions isn’t a weakness. It’s courage. So I want to leave you with that. Never be afraid to speak up, your condition is not your conclusion. Thank you.
