My husband and I were sitting in a police car when we got the news my son Charles, 20, died by suicide in 2015. That’s the moment I left my former self on a shelf somewhere in the past and this new self, a person I didn’t want to be, had to find a way forward.
My first thought was, “How could I be such a bad mother that my son would kill himself? Didn’t he know we loved him? How could I have missed his monumental pain?”
My son struggled with the physical pain of substance withdrawal and the emotional pain of a deep depressive episode when he took his own life. What’s more, he hid his pain behind the mask of a clown. It took a long time before I recognized his death wasn’t about or because of me.
The drugs and alcohol he used to numb feelings of suicide ultimately drove him toward that end. While I didn’t know about his thoughts of suicide, his journal of rap music revealed his struggle, and I now understand his pain. I included his rap lyrics in my memoir, Diary of a Broken Mind.
People look at me now after I give a keynote speech and say, “You are so strong,” thinking I am just naturally that way. But I was very intentional about my grief recovery and worked at it. Here’s how……
AnneMoss Rogers is a leading wellness and suicide education expert and one of the top mental health speakers and suicide prevention speakers. Known for her powerful, motivational keynotes, AnneMoss combines her personal story of loss with proven strategies to help organizations build a wellness culture that drives results and saves lives. She speaks at conferences, workplaces, K-12 schools, and universities, delivering impactful presentations that inspire change and promote mental health awareness.
AnneMoss does this work in memory of her son, Charles, who struggled with anxiety, depression, and addiction, and died by suicide at age 20 in 2015.